If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
