I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
