I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize