drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
