First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
