but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
