I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
