did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
