I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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