just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
