I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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