He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
