Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
