No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
