hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
