Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
