i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
