You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
