i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
