I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
