We're like a lot better than the average bears
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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