So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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