I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
