My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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