forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Randomize
