Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You need Xanax blowdarts
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
