Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
