It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
