found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
