I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
