I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize