you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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