But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
