I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
