you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
