TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize