Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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