Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have demons in me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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