dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
