it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
