I could have mohawked her pubes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
