It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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