It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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