I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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