I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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