People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
