i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize