i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
