I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
