So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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