just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
time to smoke my breakfast
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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