Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize