6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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