Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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