What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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