I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
