So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
