so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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