i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
