He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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