Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
