ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
