Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it because I queefed?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize