Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
