dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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