she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
