you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
