he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
