I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
